The Rabbit Hole.
I know I’m obsessed with seeking the truth, but I’m not sure how much I actually act on it once I seek it.
And the truth that I find myself obsessing over - are these truths that still imprison me on what I believe I want versus what I need (should I even be thinking in wants and needs? Or should I be thinking of things are guiding principles and not in definitives?)
Don’t think that you are, know that you are.
I have periods where I think I know who I am. There are other periods where I know who I am.
What limits me is my inability to act. I recognize my fears but I still stand in them. It’s necessary to have compassion and patience here because you’ve brought yourself so far from an imprisonment of the mind and thought to now. Recognize that - “you’re something that accepts what comes before them because you want to wake up.”
I want to wake up, but I limit myself because I let fears I am aware of take control over me.
What will happen?
You hold yourself from moving forward because you have an inability to act against the fears you are so knowledgeable exist within you.
Just f****n stop. Or maybe take a step back and gradually step in. Whatever pace you decide, make the progress happen.
But I believe you have a great potential and ability to find your truth and find the truth around you, but you have to confront why you are so okay with existing in the in between? You go half way and then stop. You hurt yourself by not living in the guidance informed and fears already faced.
You are what stops you. You are what blocks you from the truth. Face the question or face the answer - what works now?
Seeing the truth - is this what I want?
What is the truth?
The truth is what is, unveiled.
Or is it:
The truth is what is unveiled.
Do I want to enter the rabbit hole to learn and face what is?
What brings you back? What holds you from advancing when you could?
Fear of burnout and absorbing the exploitative and manipulative tactics within the world for one. Understandable. But what I do judge is letting that moment of burnout define who are the rest of your life.
You burned out because you were both hidden from the truth and did not step into the truth when faced with it. When you crashed, in that moment, you stepped in the decision of comfort and safety. Understandably. You needed to take a step back and realize that you never confronted things as they were. It is likely though rare for a person to be confronted like that and not react in a cautious way. But it is highly uncommon for that person to recognize that the fear you took on was the fear of a past unknown that you now know the answer to.
You know “enough” answers to your trauma, the lack of actioned love, lack of safety, lack of being, lack of freeing, lack of liberating. You don’t know everything, but you must recognize that you know enough.
In knowing enough you must step into who you already are, and not imprison yourself to the decisions and reactions of your past. You now know that what is needed is to face and be the truth. You have to open that door.
All the world can do is bring you to your door. If you don’t open it, it’ll never open. It’ll always be there, but it will be much harder to open later on.
What you do is what defines you. And in the end only you define yourself truly. What do you want to define?
I want to define what it is - not looks like - to exist in truth.
I want to exist in a community of truth-seekers and unveiled challengers.
I want to define what accountability is in my actions, with the understanding that I should be kind, loving, and understanding of the truth that things do not happen overnight or maybe even ever. The mind is where the revolution begins, so yes that occurs first, but be patient with everything external to the mind. The body, the home, the community, the world.
Accept that you may never experience something you dream about and seek. In that acceptance, you can be liberated from your inability to confront the truth when you’re faced with it.
To have that understanding, you have to understand what you have gone through and the difficulties and length it took to arrive where you are today. And you have to understand the complexity of people and how imprinted they are by their surroundings. Not everything, but enough to the point where you can accept that if in the life of another, you are not sure if you would have done something different than them.
That is how you understand. This does not mean you need to understand everything. The importance is to understand the current reality of the complexity and sonder around us. Then act on that understanding and integrate the compassion from gathering that into the truth-seeking you wish to do.
But again ask yourself - do you really seek the truth?
And if you do, would you act on it?
The first question is educating, but the second question is defining.
I understand that you have great potential. I am afraid that you are not the one though.
